Tuesday 23 September 2008

Spring solstice

The length of day equals the length of night for only one night. After that, the light will grow and grow again in the south, and up north, days will darken.
Cape Town seas still stormy, but the whales are coming.
I didn't think I'd be back here this fast.
No time to say goodbye to the twisted purple beans at the allotment, weighing down the beanpoles with the heavy growth of two weeks.
No time to start the mum-and-baby salsa classes we signed up for in Blackheath.
Time only to zip two lives into three suitcases and a heap for fast shipping.
Time only for a short sharp shock to the heart and a change of direction.
Time only to keep a baby fed while winding down the vision of a shared home, a shared future, and excising ourselves from a small room of broken promises. It took a year and a half to grow all this, and less than an hour to shatter it. Sweeping away the pieces and preparing to leave was peculiarly simple.
Beware Greeks bearing gifts, said one friend.
Beware the dangerous cocktail of fickleness and conviction, said another.
Eat, said the third.
Look to the next thing, said a child with an unusual gift for clarity.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

All of us with partners/spouses and children wake up some days wondering how we got here, wish we weren't here, wondering if we still love them, wondering what might be better...... but the next day we remember why we are here and we keep going for them. I'm sorry he wasn't man enough to keep promises.

Especially to that little one who is now thousands and thousands of miles away on another continent. N will wake up one day to regret this decision, and some things time cannot heal, like a relationship between a son and a father- for which he should know better from his lack of relationship with his own father. It takes a real man to rise above that, and unfortunately N has proved us all wrong. And for that I am sorry. Words cannot express the sadness I feel for you, and for your baby.

Anonymous said...

Let me add, that from the little bit I know about you, you will come out stronger and this will end up being for the best. You and the little guy will be as strong as ever after this bump in the road.